My Immortal: The Commentary
by Symmetry -Death the Kid
Summary: I suffer through the infamous story all for your entertainment. *glares at reader* I hope you're happy. Rated T for language, violence, and sexual content, like the original My Immortal.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Alright, here I go...into the story of My Immortal...wish me luck, and if I don't come back alive...take my anime DVDs to my grave...**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **You are the first person I have ever known who is "goffik", Tara. Congrats.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! **Hmm...are all these spelling errors how she helped you with the story?** Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **And this has what to do with the price of milk?** MCR ROX! **Pfft! Like, three years ago...oh, wait...**

**Excuse me, Tara, but I think that's spamming.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **I'm just gonna call you Ebony, honey.** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Yes, that is a great name. **with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **I do not understand this.** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **Well, looks like I'll be lea-fine**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **You mean if you were related to him, you'd still think he was a major fucking hottie? Okay then.** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **I don't get it...if your teeth are so "straight and white", where are your fangs? Are they disguised to look like normal teeth?** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch **You said it, not me**, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **Anyone who's read the Harry Potter books should be able to tell that once you're in seventh year, you're seventeen.**..**wait, you haven't read the last book yet, have you?** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **I figured a goffik person would create a goth OC.** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **Ebony****, could you pick me up some Adventure Time underwear next time you're there? You can just mail them to me. Make sure the return address is at least half-readable, though.** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. **Well, that really stands out.** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **Cute.** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **Weirdo.** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Come on, Ebony! They were just admiring how goffik you are!**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **You gonna flip him off too?**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. **I guess not.**

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco is shy?**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **You should probably go away now, Ebony. I just looked up "love calculator" on Google, clicked on one, and your chances of being together are 27%. Yeah, not very big.**

**Tara, Tara, Tara...why do you spam?**  
><strong><br>**AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **But if I told you that, I'd be lying. Do you want me to be a liar?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Okay, the first chapter wasn't so bad...let's see how chapter 2 goes.**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **I think she's hurting it, actually. She's probably mocking you because of all the spelling errors you make, she's probably adding more.** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Okie-dokie-wokie.**

**Tara, I think I am going to tell your mother you've been spamming.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **Wait a second...how is that possible? **I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Because every vampire leaves bottles of blood around for breakfast. **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **Why is everything you own black and pink?** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **Okay...** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **You're not making yourself very fancy today, Ebony.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Didn't she help you with this? How does she not know?** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Okay.** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **Twins!**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Why are you spying on Ebony, Willow?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Yeah, you're good at hiding this...**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **The answer is obvious...**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Oh.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. **You're not buying it either?** Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **So you do like him!**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. **I'm curious too...**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **HOW DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF WIZARDS? And why have they not told us the secret entrance into the magical world? I'd go to Platform Two and Three Quarters or whatever, but I'm afraid I'll get hit by a train.**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **But you pretty much just met her.**

I gasped. **I can imagine her running out of air, then fainting because of her Mary Sue-ness.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **I already said I wasn't going to.** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **Goffik people like this?** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **I don't understand that sentence.** oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Good Chralotte? Huh?**

**There was a bunch of spam here, but now FanFiction has removed it, taking meaning out of the last two chapters, which I commented on her spam.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **Okay...** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. **I guess that's attractive to "goffik" people...** Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **Okay, not even goffik people would like that.** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Why would you feel depressed when you're about to go with your boyfriend Draco to a magical concert?** I read a depressing book **The original Grave of the Fireflies auto-biography? (Everyone see Grave of the Fireflies. It'll have you in tears, but you'll love it.)** while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. **GC? Why do I not understand any of these band names?** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **Holy crap, that's unattractive.** Then I put on some black lipstick. **I'm gonna just say the thing you should never say to a woman; bleh.** I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **Well, at least you don't sparkle.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **FLYING CARS FTW** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **What.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Not the best way to start a date.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **You don't smoke most drugs, you snort them...which is a bad idea, by the way.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **Act your age, Ebony!**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). <strong>Of course you don't.<strong>

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **Not the best thing to say to your boyfriend.**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **I think I know why...**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. **Oh, you don't know?** Then I caught on. **Finally.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **Sure, that's what every girl says...**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **"STAY BACK, JOEL!"**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Ouch.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **BINGE DRINKING! BRAIN DAMAGE!** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Dun, dun, dun!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **Make up your mind! Is it Ebony or Enoby?** nut **SQUIRREL!** mary su OK! **Okay, I won't call her "Mary Su". She is a Mary Sue, though.** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **I thought that was just because of the overwhelming OOC-ness.** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **I can't even translate that.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **He's either trying to kill you or make love with you.**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **I hope it's the first one.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Just get out your knife, Draco...**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **The last thing she'll ever see...**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Aw, it's only a sex scene.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **That's lovely. **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **YES, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? You're supposed to be murdering this Mary Sue!**

It was….Dumbledore! **GASP!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **OMFG, like totally!** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Most people usually get some aspirin when they have a headache, not cuss at some experimenting teens.** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **How did this story ever update?**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **I love you again, Dumbledore.**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **But they don't even know what you did yet.**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **WHAT IS IT WITH ALL THESE 1950'S INSULTS? **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **He actually asked that as a question?**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Good excuse, but I don't think it's enough to get you out of this...**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **WHAT?**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Why weren't they suspended?**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **Well, um, she just got away with making love with you at school without any sort of warning. She should be happy...you know, if "goffik" people ever are happy.**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **Liar, liar, pants on fire!**I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **And no girl shrieked, "PERVERT!"?** We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! **NEVER!** PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **But then how did she ever continue writing this? Oh, I know! She probably made multiple accounts with "goffik" names to like it...**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Planning your own death?** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **As usual, ugly.** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **Which are you; satanic or Christian? Make up your mind, Ebony! **I spray-painted my hair with purple. **I don't think you're supposed to spray-paint your hair.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **Creative.** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **Not "handsome" in any way.** He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **How did you know that before he had a scar? You don't even know his name yet...** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **Why do I not understand your 2005 pop culture references, Ebony?** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **I didn't ask for the erection, you wrote it in.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **...**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **Why? _Why? _ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SOME SORT OF "GOFFIK" VAMPIRE WHO HAS NO EMOTION, LIKE EBONY!**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **Well, for one thing, she was drinking a glass of red blood, and cereal with red blood in it...yeah, she's a vampire.**

"Yeah." I roared. **Stop flirting with other men! Draco will be pissed.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **By yourself.** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **That means five more accounts, Tara.** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **That's going to backfire on you.** Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **She was wearing a cross! Can you not make up your mind or something?** n she has problemz **Like your grammar?** shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **Beautiful.** I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **_Yes. _**I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **You've already roared at him. He should be happy she's cheating on Draco with him.** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **EBONY!** He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **You could get HIV! AIDS!** We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. **USE PROTECTION!** (c is dat stupid?) **_Yes, and next time use a condom._**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **But you've seen him naked before. Remember, in the Forbidden Forest?** It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **Gasp.**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **SAYS THE GIRL WHO DID NOT USE A CONDOM FOR THE SECOND TIME.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **PUBLIC NUDITY! **He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **What did he do? He just was dating Draco. Draco was the one who had sex with you two times, and then you found out he had a boyfriend.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! **But I like to floss...er, flass.** if u do den u r a prep! **Oh no, anything but a prep!**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **The students were either scarred or were given some serious eye candy. I think it depends on the student.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Why did you scream that?**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Her smile is quite understated!** She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **Doesn't anyone in this story know how to dress in public?** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **Why is everyone a clone of Ebony too?** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **Sorry, Tara, but I'm going to have to say this: you are an idiot. You have never read Harry Potter. **She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **Pics or it didn't happen.**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **Ignore his 1950's insults!**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **Back up! You're Ebony, remember?** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. **Are you changing POVs all of a sudden? **He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **You still talk like Ebony...** We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **ARE YOU EBONY OR VAMPIRE?**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **So you're Ebony, right?**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **YOUR VIRILITY HAS BEEN LOST.** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **You BUSTED into tears? A vase doesn't have tears when it's busted. Why should Ebony?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **If you ask me, you didn't read any of them.** dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Dumbledore didn't swear in the movie! **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **I don't know if you meant "bastards" or "besides" for "besuizds".** and da reson snap **Who?** dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **AW, SNAP!** MCR ROX! **No.**

I was so mad and sad. **Hey, that rhymed, and it wasn't a crime!** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **Made brownies?**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **NO WAY!**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **Okay, could someone tell me if that's a real spell or not? I don't remember all the spells in Harry Potter. I think I only remember like 5% of them, actually.**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **I don't remember Voldemort being that much of a wimp.** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **THOU MUST DO IT NOW!**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **His eyes weren't 'sexah' at all.** eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Well, you flipped out over it.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. **Guns? In my Hogwarts?** "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Did Voldemort always talk like some Lord of the Rings king?**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **You could just kill Draco right now. It's obvious she's not going to give in.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **"Oh, hi, Draco! I remember I called you a fucking idiot and accused you of having AIDS, but I'm so excited to see you!"**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **Outdated pop culture references FTW.**

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **You should be expelled, Ebony. Remember?**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **Oh, Ebony, you and your bisexual boyfriend...**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **I'd love to 'fuck off' as much as the next guy, but I've made a commitment to stay through this story! ** ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **Thanks for the gossip, Tara!**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **Nice name.** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **Rip-off artist!** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **You wrote "cross" earlier. "cross between GC, Slipknot, and MCR" Remember that?** or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **THAT FILM IS NOT DEPRESSING! It's a comedic, freakin' awesome musical!** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Well, I didn't call you a slut, but if I were to use a word, I'd probably use that one.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Stop busting into tears, damn it!**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **Ask a stupid question...**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>I imagine Ebony pissed herself a bit.<strong>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **But he already was crying.**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **What the...you said that vampires can't die from slitting their wrists! Unless it was with a cross or a stake, there's no way...**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **Oh, trust me, it will be.** it delz wit rly sris issus! **Yeah, srs bns!** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **I can see she didn't help you with any ANs.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. **Cuz that's what goffik BFFs do. **Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Draco couldn't go into your room either...hmm, what do you have in your room, Ebony?**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. **You didn't die like Draco? **They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! **Your boyfriend just died in an impossible way, you should be fucking depressed! I'm not helping, am I?** I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **More black and pink stuff.** I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap **Seriously, who?** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin **WHO?** was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **That reminds me of those Harry Potter "broomsticks" that were taking off the shelf because teens were riding it for a little bit too long...**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **But aren't "Snap" and "Loopin" underage as well? Sorry if I'm wrong here, but...**I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. **STOP PUTTING GUNS IN MY HOGWARTS! **Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid **Again, WHO? **ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **Gasp!**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **Snap has a very odd personality. **"There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **EXTRA! EXTRA! HOGWARTS STUDENT YELLS IN MADLY!**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **How is Edward still alive then?**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **I'm hoping you meant "cloak".**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **What the...**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **STOP STEALING DRACO'S LINES!**


	12. Chapter 12

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **There are barely any pedophiles in American 'skoolz', obviously you've seen Lolita too many times.** how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Okie-dokie-wokie.**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **You said his scar was gone!**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **Sure, that makes sense.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **That's what the writer led us on to think, to!**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. **Wait...what?** "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" **BAD VOLFEMORT!**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **I finally decoded her speak...SNAPE? A PEDOPHILE? HA HA HA HA HA...oh, crap, you were serious.** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. **You haven't accused him of being a pedophile as well?** I put up my middle finger at them. **Your middle finger must be worn out.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **I swear she's worn pink before.**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **Okay, I know you've worn pink before.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yes.** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **Angirly? Is that the way crazy yaoi fangirls speak?**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **I don't understand this sentence at all.**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **MCR is _weird_.**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **Yeah, WTF is it?**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **Your grammar's so god-awful I didn't understand it until you explained it.** u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **YOU ARE LYING, I NEVER HIT YOU. YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **Okay, Tara, I'll be le-wait, the commentary isn't over. Darn.** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. **What is this, Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls?** "Fangs (geddit) **Only because it was obvious.** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **VAMPIRES DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY BLOOD!** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **What?**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **"Hey, I just forgave my boyfriend for giving me pink roses, so let's have sex right here in front of everyone!"**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **Pfft. You totally jumped on him first.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **Didn't this happen?** and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **This totally happened.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. **You did this!**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **You did the exact _fucking_ thing at the beginning of the chapter! What is this, Baby Geniuses?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" ***facepalm***

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **If she wrote it all, you wouldn't have your name on it, silly.**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **She stole it.**


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! _**SEX BOMB, SEX BOMB, YO' A SEX BOMB!**_ PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **BUT FLAMIGNG IS FUN!**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Who's Dumblydore? His twin?**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **inb4 "gee old man you need better insults"**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **It's obvious that Voldemort doesn't need to be involved with this. You should be calling Volsemort!**

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **I THOUGHT DRACO SUICIDE-ED. **

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **No.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **Enough with the crying blood, Tara!** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **Who in the seven hells is Voldemprt?**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"  
>It was... Voldemort! <strong>It's okay, he just shouted random gibberish. It's not like put a death curse on you or anything. Because you totally spelled it wrong.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **I almost did, but my readers...they depend on me!** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. **Cool story bro. ** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **Oh, I know how she gets 10 good reviews! No, not herself, but a CRAZED GOFFIK FAN! The goffik fan wakes up in the morning, and his first thought is "_Oh, shit, My Immortal new chapter." _He slits his "rists" because he wants to be like his idol, then sits down and logs on, yelling "TELL ME A STORY TARA GILESBIE!"**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **Okay, I can't stand horror movies, they creep me out. I _laughed _at this chapter. This should tell you how "scray" it is.**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **You're right; Volcemort was.** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **Volcemort isn't fat! I think.** Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **You accuse other underage people of being pedophiles, why choose this one to stand by?**

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. <strong>Some of this dialogue seems ripped directly out of Sonichu #8. <strong>I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **Cue TV Tropes editors rushing to the My Immortal article to add Cluster F Bomb trope.** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **YOU BRUST INTO TEARS? I THOUGHT YOU BUSTED, NOW YOU BRUST? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then... he started coming! **Please tell me you didn't mean that like I think you did.** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Phew.** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **This is like watching ten-year-olds do stand-up; they don't really know where the joke is, so they explain practically everything.** and a really huge you-know-what **No, what? **and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. **Oh great, you're a satanist. One of those people who spams those "CHRISTIANITY PROVED TO NOT BE TRUE, SATAN IS OUR CREATOR GO TO THIS HORRIBLE WEBSITE" on YouTube comment sections.** (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **Oh my gosh, BEST ANGST EVER, Tara! I can't wait for the next chapter! /sarcasm**


	15. Chapter 15

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk **I am sadface that Tara Gilesbie doesn't like me!** frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **"No." "Bitch."  
><strong>

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **Please do not put those images in my head.** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **You are a strange vampire, Ebony. **Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **"OH MEH CELESTIA! I'M SO DEPRESSED I'M GONNA STAY HERE AND LISTEN TO MORE GOFFIK MUSIC AND hey it's time for Biology class"**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. **Isn't this the part where something crazy goes down or is this just filler? **I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **Who has two thumbs and totally called it? This guy!**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **/Cluster F Bomb **Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" **No such song. Did you mean "_The _Chronicles of Life and Death"?** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. **No. **if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr! **Make me.**) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) **Then why would you want to kiss like her?** and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **Wait...that's a Hillary Duff movie! **Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


End file.
